楼主:乐视网 时间:2019年10月22日 16:14:50 点击:0 回复:0
In love, we want to have, we want to know the beloved.在爱情中,我们想要拥有,我们想要了解我们的爱人We want to minimize the distance. We want to contract that gap.我们想腻在一起,想跨越阻碍We want to neutralize the tensions. We want closeness.我们想调和不安的情绪,我们想亲密无间。But in desire, we tend to not really want to go back to the places weve aly gone.而在性欲方面,我们不想回到我们已经经历过的地方。Forgone conclusion does not keep our interest.过时的结论提不起我们的兴趣。In desire, we want an Other, somebody on the other side that we can go visit,在性欲方面,我们想找的是我们的另一半,一个在彼岸,一个我们想去探索的另一半。that we can go spend some time with,一个我们想呆在一起的另一半that we can go see what goes on in their red light district.和一个我们能探索其瘾秘的内心世界的另一半In desire, we want a bridge to cross.在性欲中,我们想找的是一座沟通的桥梁。Or in other words, I sometimes say, fire needs air.换言之,“一个巴掌拍不响啊”Desire needs space.性欲也需要空间。And when its said like that, its often quite abstract.这样说或许有点抽象吧。But then I took a question with me.带着一个问题And Ive gone to more than 20 countries in the last few years几年间我带着;Mating in Captivity; 这本书走访了20多个国家with ;Mating in Captivity,; and I asked people,每到一处,我都会问人们:when do you find yourself most drawn to your partner?;你什么时候最喜欢和爱人呆在一起?;Not attracted sexually, per se, but most drawn.我说的是呆在一起而不是一起性爱And across culture, across religion, and across gender --来自不同文化、不同地区、不同性别的人except for one -- there are a few answers that just keep coming back.除一个有点例外,其它人给我的回答不外如是So the first group is: I am most drawn to my partner第一组:最想和爱人在一起的时候when she is away, when we are apart, when we reunite.是爱人不在身边的时候、是分开的时候或是小别重逢时。Basically, when I get back in touch也就是,当我能用我的想象力with my ability to imagine myself with my partner,想像我和爱人在一起的时候,when my imagination comes back in the picture,当我的想像力能回到这方面来的时候,and when I can root it in absence and in longing,当爱人不在而我又想要的时候which is a major component of desire.这就是性欲的主要组成部分But then the second group is even more interesting:然而,另一组回答更有趣。I am most drawn to my partner我最想和爱人在一起的时候when I see him in the studio, when she is onstage,是当我看到他在录影棚工作、在舞台上表演的时候、when he is in his element, when shes doing something shes passionate about,当他在做正经事的时候、当他在做她感兴趣的事情的时候,when I see him at a party and other people are really drawn to him,当我看到他在party上谜倒一大堆人的时候when I see her hold court.当她开庭的时候。Basically, when I look at my partner radiant and confident,一般而言,当我看到我的爱人光芒四射而又自信的时候probably the biggest turn-on across the board.这就是最大的刺激物了。Radiant, as in self-sustaining.光芒四射,在自我维系中也如此。I look at this person -- by the way, in desire在欲望中,我看这个人people rarely talk about it, when we are blended into one,人们很少谈论这些, 当我们粘在一起的时候five centimeters from each other. I dont know in inches how much that is.也就是相隔5厘米左右的时候---说实在的我不知道是几厘米But its also not when the other person is that far apart但是,这种分别并不是说相隔太远that you no longer see them.以至于以后都不能相见。Its when Im looking at my partner from a comfortable distance,而是我能在一个比较合适的距离看着我爱的人where this person that is aly so familiar, so known,那个我熟悉和相知的,is momentarily once again somewhat mysterious, somewhat elusive.还带有点神秘,有点难以捉摸的人。And in this space between me and the other lies the erotic elan,我和爱人之间的距离成了一条性欲的纽带lies that movement toward the other.也造成了我们的相互走动Because sometimes, as Proust says,因为有时候,正如Proust说的那样mystery is not about traveling to new places,发现奥秘不一定要到一个新的地方去,but its about looking with new eyes.而只要我们有新视角就行。And so, when I see my partner on his own or her own,所以,当我们看到我们的另一半独自doing something in which they are enveloped,在忙自己的事的时候。I look at this person and I momentarily get a shift in perception,看着他我会对他有一种新的了解和认识,and I stay open to the mysteries that are living right next to me.而我对我身过的一些奥秘是常怀着关注之情的。And then, more importantly, in this description about the other更重要的是,对别人的了解or myself -- its the same -- what is most interesting或者对自己的了解, 都一样.is that there is no neediness in desire.最有趣的是,这不需要性欲。Nobody needs anybody.没有谁需要谁。There is no caretaking in desire.性欲不存在谁照顾谁的问题。Caretaking is mightily loving. Its a powerful anti-aphrodisiac.照顾是一种了不起的大爱,是一种强大的崔情药I have yet to see somebody who is so turned on我还看到一些人的性欲by somebody who needs them.是被那些需要他们的人唤起的Wanting them is one thing. Needing them is a shutdown,想要是一回事,但需要会令人性趣索然and women have known that forever,这点女人最清楚了,because anything that will bring up parenthood因为任何母性有关的东西will usually decrease the erotic charge.都会降低性欲。For good reasons, right?很有道理,是不是?And then the third group of answers usually would be第三类回答是:when Im surprised, when we laugh together,当我感到惊喜时,当我们一起大笑时会性趣大发,as somebody said to me in the office today,比如说,今天有人在我的办公室告诉我,when hes in his tux, so I said, you know,当他穿着无尾半正式晚礼时最有感觉了its either the tux or the cowboy boots.其实性欲与晚礼或牛仔靴无关But basically its when there is novelty.而是与猎奇有关。But novelty isnt about new positions. It isnt a repertoire of techniques.但新奇并不只意味着新的体位,也不是五花八门的性爱技巧Novelty is, what parts of you do you bring out?新奇是,你将自已的哪一面展现出来?What parts of you are just being seen?你的哪一面你的爱人熟悉?Because in some way one could say因为在某种程度上,我们会说sex isnt something you do, eh?性交并不专指性交活动,对吧?Sex is a place you go. Its a space you enter性交过程其实像你在去一个地方inside yourself and with another, or others.是一个进入自己或对方体内的过程。So where do you go in sex?因此,性交时何去何从?What parts of you do you connect to?你们身体的哪一部分有接触?What do you seek to express there?你们想在那里表达些什么?Is it a place for transcendence and spiritual union?那是一个表现性爱技巧和精神合一的地方吗?Is it a place for naughtiness and is it a place to be safely aggressive?那是一个俏皮掏蛋的地方呢还是一个略带点侵略性质的地方呢?Is it a place where you can finally surrender还是一个你最后放弃and not have to take responsibility for everything?不想负责任的地方呢?Is it a place where you can express your infantile wishes?它是不是一个你可以表达你孩子气的地方呢?What comes out there? Its a language.性爱到底是什么?其实性交是一种语言。It isnt just a behavior.不是一种行为。And its the poetic of that language that Im interested in,而我,正是对这一充满诗意的性交语言感兴趣which is why I began to explore this concept of erotic intelligence.这就是为什么我要探讨;性商;这一概念。You know, animals have sex.要知道,动物也性交。Its the pivot, its biology, its the natural instinct.而动物的性交是传宗接代的,是生物的,是一种自然的天性。201505/374261想必大家一定都还记得Randy Pausch那篇曾经感动过无数人的《真正实现你的童年梦想》的演讲吧。我这里推荐的是他2008年5月19号(大约在他去世前的两多月),在其母校卡内基梅隆大学毕业典礼上的演讲。这篇演讲只有6分钟左右,而且风格和之前的那篇很不同。在这篇演讲里,他少了些幽默,却多了些真诚的忠告。相信大家看后一定会受益匪浅。最后,谨以此文献给Randy Pausch。September 18, 2007兰迪·波许在卡内基梅隆大学毕业典礼上的演讲 演讲稿中英文对照I am glad to be here today, Hell, I am glad to be anywhere today.很高兴今天能够来到这里。天啊,今天不论在哪里我都很高兴。President Cohon asked me to come and give the charge to the graduates. I assure you, its nothing compared to the charge you have just given me.柯汉校长邀请我来给毕业生一些鼓励。我向诸位保,你们刚刚给我的鼓励更多。This is an incredible place. I have seen it through so many lenses. I saw it when I was a graduate student that didnt get admitted and then somebody invited me back and said, OK, well change our mind.这所学校棒极了!我可从很多方面了解它。我也曾从这里毕业,遗憾的是并没有申请上研究生。然而一位恩师邀我回来并说:我们改变主意啦,你被录取了。And I saw it as a place that hired me back to be on the faculty many years later and gave me the chance to do what anybody wants to do, which is ,follow their passion, follow their heart and do the things they theyre excited about.许多年以后,我被聘回到这里执教。这是一个所有人都梦寐以求的机会。在这里,你可以追随热情,听从心灵的召唤,并能够做自己感到刺激的事。And the great thing about this university unlike almost all the other ones I know of is that nobody gets in your way when you try to do it. And thats just fantastic.这所学校胜过其他学校的地方在于当你尝试实现梦想时,没有人会阻拦你。这太美妙了!And to the degree that a human being can love an institution. I love this place and I love all of the people and I am very grateful to Jerry Cohon and everyone else for all the kindness that have shown me.我无比的热爱这所学校,也爱这里的所有人。我十分感激柯汉校长和我的同事,感谢他们给我的温暖。Last August I was told that in all likelihood I had three to six months left to live. I am on month nine now and I am gonna get down and do any push-ups…But there will be a short pick-up basketball game later.去年8月,我被告知只能再活3到6个月了。可现在已是第九个月了。我想低下身来做俯地挺身(他在人生最后一课时,小试身手,还幽默地说不要同情他,除非也能做那麽多下的俯地挺身)…但一会将有来一小段报队篮球赛(一般打半场,三对三,先进十一分或十五赢)。Somebody said to me, in light of those numbers, wow, so you aer really beating the Grim Reaper. And what I said without even thinking about is that we dont beat the Reaper by living longer. We beat the Reaper by living well, and living fully.当我说完前面的那些数字后,有些人对我说:天啊,你真的战神了冷酷的死神。而我毫不犹疑的回答他:仅靠多活几天是不能战胜死神的。战胜死神最好的方式是活得好,活得充实。For the Reaper will come for all of us, the question is what do we do between the time we are born and the time he shows up.人终会有一死,关键是从出生的那一刻起到死神降临的这一段时间内,我们都做了什麽。cause he shows up it is too late to do all the things that youre always gonna kind of ;get round to;. So I think the only advice I can give you on how to live your life well is, first off, remember, its a cliche, but love cliche, ;it is not the things we do in life that we regret on our deathbed, it is the things we do not;.当死神降临时,想要做些我们一直想做而没时间去做的事,却已为时晚矣。因此,关于如何才能活的好,我给大家的唯一建议是,马上去做,请千万牢记,虽说这是老生常谈,但我喜欢老生常谈,;临终时我们不会后悔做过某些事,而是后悔没有去做某些事。;cause I assure you Ive done a lot of stupid things and none of them bother me. All the mistakes, all the dopy things and all the times I was embarrassed they dont matter. What matter is that, I can kind of look back and say, ;pretty much anytime I got a chance to do something cool, I tried to grab for it.; And thats where my solace come from.坦率地说,我也曾做过很多蠢事,但它们中没有一件令我烦恼。所有那些犯过的错,做过的蠢事,还有令我尴尬的时刻,其实它们都不重要。真正重要的是,当我回首往事时,我会说:「只要有机会去做那些很酷的事,我将会毫不犹豫的去争取。」这才让我足堪告慰。The second thing I would add to that, and I didnt coordinate on the subject of this word but I think its the right word that comes up, is passion. And you will need to find you passion. Many of you have aly done it, many of you will later, many of you will take till your 30s or 40s. But dont give up on finding it. Alright? cause then all youre doing is waiting for the Reaper. Find you passion and follow it.第二件我想说的事就是,我并没有规划用这个字眼。但我想这个字眼很合适,那就是“热情”二字。你们必须要找到自己的热情所在。你们当中有些人已经找到了,许多人将来也会找到,也许很多人要到三、四十岁时才找得到。但千万不要放弃寻找你的。好吗?因为你若放弃了,那你所能做的仅是等待死亡而已。去寻找你的热情所在,并追随它的脚步!And if theres anything I have learned in my life, you will not find passion in things. And you will not find that passion in money. Because the more things and the more money you have, the more you will just look around and use that as the metric, and there will always be someone with more.如果说我这一生中学到了什麽的话,那就是你不可能在物质中找到热情。你不会在金钱中找到热情。因为你拥有的财富越多,你就越有可能用它去衡量你周围的世界,然而总是有人比你更富有。So your passion must come from the things that fuel you from the inside. And honors and awards are nice things but only to be the extent that they regard the real respect from your peers. And to be thought well of by other people that you think even more highly of is a tremendous honor that Ive been granted.因此,热情必须来自于能从内在激发你。荣誉和奖赏是好事,但仅限于出于同行们真心的尊敬。或是像我一样能够被自己所尊敬的人所认同,这才是最大的荣幸。Find you passion and in my experience, no matter what you do at work or what you do in official settings, that passion would be grounded in people. And it will be grounded in the relationships you have with people, and what they think of you, when you time comes. And if you can gain the respect of those around you, and the passion and true love, and Ive said this before, but I waited till 39 to get married because I had to wait that long to find someone where her happiness was more important than mine. And if nothing else I hope that all of you can find that kind of passion and that kind of love in your life.去寻找你的热情吧。在我看来,无论你从事什麽样工作,处在怎样的环境当中,都是和人有关的。热情基于人与人之间的关係,基于当你离开人世时,人们对你的看法。如果你能赢的身边人的尊敬,正如我之前所说的你有热情和真爱。我等到39岁才结婚,是因为我必须等这麽久才能找到一位她的幸福比我的更重要的人。抛开一切其他不谈,我祝在座的各位,此生都能够找到那样的热情和真爱。Thank you!谢谢!201307/246210Thank you, Shelly, for that kind introduction.Thank you to Suzanne Sarault for serving as our emcee today.Greetings to Chief of Defence Staff General Lawson, to Chief Warrant Officer West, to ambassadors and members of the diplomatic corps, to my colleagues from the Parliament of Canada, Royal Galipeau and Pierre Lemieux, members of the Canadian Armed Forces, honoured veterans and families, distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen.As Shelly said, a century has passed now since the dull roar of the guns of August was first heard and all across Europe, the lights of peace faded.This great conflict on the other side of an ocean need not have involved us.But then, as now, when our friends and the values we share with them are threatened, Canadians do not turn away.So it was that in 1914, Canadian and Newfoundland volunteers – Newfoundland being then a separate Dominion – accepted this call to arms as a duty.At the end of the summer of 1914, Canadians left behind factories, fields, forests and fisheries.They left their homes, shops, offices and schools.Men by the tens of thousands signed up to fight.Men like Leo Clarke, Frederick Hall and Robert Shankland, who all lived on Pine Street in Winnipeg.Men like brothers Bernard and Eric Ayre and their cousins Gerald and Wilfrid of St. John’s, Newfoundland.Men like George Vanier of Montréal, a young lawyer who had considered joining the priesthood before hearing the call of duty.And women like Beatrice McNair from Vancouver, one of 2,500 nursing sisters who served overseas.The first Canadians left for Europe that October.Many thought they’d be home for Christmas.Some of them actually worried that they’d get over there too late to do their part.As we all know, they were terribly, terribly wrong.Though the commitment to war was uncertain, over 600,000 Canadians fought to defend our country, only eight million strong at the time.The mud, the blood and the sacrifices that marked those years left more than a third of these Canadians dead or wounded.Forgive me if I do not dwell on these numbers, the bitter harvest of suffering and death.We have had a hundred years to contemplate this war.Much has been written on this subject.201504/367606Hi, everybody. This week, we made it official – Im going to Cuba. When Michelle and I go to Havana next month, it will be the first visit of a U.S. president to Cuba in nearly 90 years. And it builds on the decision I made more than a year ago to begin a new chapter in our relationship with the people of Cuba. You see, I believe that the best way to advance American interests and values, and the best way to help the Cuban people improve their lives, is through engagement – by normalizing relations between our governments and increasing the contacts between our peoples. Ive always said that change wont come to Cuba overnight. But as Cuba opens up, it will mean more opportunity and resources for ordinary Cubans. And were starting to see some progress. Today, the American flag flies over our embassy in Havana, and our diplomats are interacting more broadly with the Cuban people. More Americans are visiting Cuba than at any time in the last 50 years – Cuban-American families; American students, teachers, humanitarian volunteers, faith communities – all forging new ties and friendships that are bringing our countries closer. And when direct flights and ferries resume, even more of our citizens will have the chance to travel and work together and know each other. American companies are starting to do business in Cuba, helping to nurture private enterprise and giving Cuban entrepreneurs new opportunities. With new Wi-Fi hotspots, more Cubans are starting to go online and get information from the outside world. In both our countries, theres overwhelming support for this new relationship. And in Cuba today, for the first time in a half century, there is hope for a different future, especially among Cubas young people who have such extraordinary talent and potential just waiting to be unleashed. My visit will be an opportunity to keep moving forward. Ill meet with President Castro to discuss how we can continue normalizing relations, including making it easier to trade and easier for Cubans to access the Internet and start their own businesses. As I did when I met President Castro last year, Ill speak candidly about our serious differences with the Cuban government, including on democracy and human rights. Ill reaffirm that the ed States will continue to stand up for universal values like freedom of speech and assembly and religion. Ill meet with members of Cubas civil society – courageous men and women who give voice to the aspirations of the Cuban people. Ill meet with Cuban entrepreneurs to learn how we can help them start new ventures. And Ill speak directly to the Cuban people about the values we share and how I believe we can be partners as they work for the future they want. Were still in the early days of our new relationship with the Cuban people. This transformation will take time. But Im focused on the future, and Im confident that my visit will advance the goals that guide us – promoting American interests and values and a better future for the Cuban people, a future of more freedom and more opportunity. Thanks, everybody. And to the people of Cuba – nos vemos en La Habana.201602/428188

If we can make this point that Im making如果我们能够做出这些论点,我说这些,to powerful men and women in our society是对于全部有权力的男人和女人在我们的社会中,at all levels of institutional authority and power,在各阶层的有权力人物,its going to change, its going to change这将会改变,这将会改变the paradigm of peoples thinking.人们的想法。You know, for example, I work a lot你知道吗,比方说,我和很多in college and university athletics throughout North America.北美的学校和大学的运动员做过工作,We know so much about how to prevent我们知道很多防止domestic and sexual violence, right?家庭和性别暴力,对吗?Theres no excuse for a college or university没有借口可以给学校和大学说,to not have domestic and sexual violence prevention training不做防止家庭和性别暴力的训练mandated for all student athletes, coaches, administrators,给全部运动员学生,教练,工作人员as part of their educational process.作为他们一部分的教育系统。We know enough to know that we can easily do that.我们已经知道很多,我们可以很容易的做。But you know whats missing? The leadership.你知道缺少什么吗?领导能力。But its not the leadership of student athletes.但是这不是学生运动员的领导能力Its the leadership of the athletic director,这是运动教练的领导能力,the president of the university, the people in charge大学会长的领导能力,who make decisions about resources做资源决定的负责人,and who make decisions about priorities in the institutional settings.和做校园决定的负责人。Thats a failure, in most cases, of mens leadership.这是一个失败,在很多的例案,在男人的领导能力Look at Penn State. Penn State is the mother看看宾州州立大学。of all teachable moments for the bystander approach.宾州州立大学是很多旁观者方法可以学习的母亲。You had so many situations in that realm你会发现很多真实的情况中,where men in powerful positions failed to act很多有权力的男人无法保护to protect children, in this case, boys.他们的儿子,在这案子中,小男孩。Its unbelievable, really. But when you get into it,这是很难被相信的,真的。但是当你深入了解时,you realize there are pressures on men.你会发觉有很多压力施于男人。There are constraints within peer cultures on men,有些束缚发生在于男人的文化中which is why we need to encourage men所以我们必须鼓励男人to break through those pressures.去突破这些压力。And one of the ways to do that is to say其中一个方法是说theres an awful lot of men who care deeply about these issues.有很多男人真的关心这些话题。I know this. I work with men,我知道这。我和这些男人一起工作。and Ive been working with tens of thousands,还有我已经和一万个,hundreds of thousands of men for many, many decades now.十万个男人工作了很多很多年代。Its scary, when you think about it, how many years.其实停恐怖的,当我想想已经多少年了,But theres so many men who care deeply about these issues,但是还有很多男人真的关心这些话题。but caring deeply is not enough.但是仅仅关心是不够的。We need more men with the guts,我们需要有勇气的男人,with the courage, with the strength, with the moral integrity有胆量,有能力,有道德的to break our complicit silence and challenge each other去破解这些沉默然后挑战他们。and stand with women and not against them.然后和女人站在同一阵线,不是对抗她们。By the way, we owe it to women.但是,我们欠女人的。Theres no question about it.这是无可否认的。But we also owe it to our sons.但我们也欠我们的孩子。We also owe it to young men who are growing up我们也欠成长中的男孩,all over the world in situations where they didnt make the choice在世界各地的男孩,那些没有得选择的男孩,to be a man in a culture that tells them作为一个男人在一个文化中告诉他们that manhood is a certain way.男子气概是肯定的。They didnt make the choice.他们没得做选择。We that have a choice have an opportunity我们有机会做这个选择。and a responsibility to them as well.同时我们也对他们有责任。I hope that, going forward, men and women,我希望,往前看,男人和女人,working together, can begin the change一起工作,可以开始做出改变,and the transformation that will happen然后转变会发生。so that future generations wont have the level of tragedy然后未来的时代不会有同样的悲剧,that we deal with on a daily basis.就好像每天在我们的生活情况下发生。I know we can do it. We can do better.我知道我们可以做到。我们可以做得更好。Thank you very much.谢谢。201509/396678

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